6/8/08

La historia de Antonio Balantino Glaciares

Antonio Balantino Glaciares, era un tipo común. Tan, pero tan común era Antonio, que se había vuelto invisible. No hacía absolutamente nada que llamara la atención. Trabajaba bien, pero tampoco con méritos. Era amable, pero medio anti social. Esos tipos que no te rompen las pelotas en absoluto, pero que tampoco te dan bola. Cuando iva al médico, éste siempre le decía -Está todo normal Antonio, nada raro-. Un ausente que tranquilamente podría ser reemplazado por una máquina. Pero lo importante acá, es que se había vuelto invisible. Y no lo digo metafóricamente. Antonio no se sentaba a tomar café en un bar, simplemente porque el mozo no lo veía. La última vez que había ido a un bar, esperó 20 minutos a que lo atendieran. Vino un señor y se le sentó en la silla de en frente, colgó el saco en donde él estaba sentado, y se puso a leer el diario. Antonio le dijo –hola-, pero el señor no respondió. Cada vez que el señor pasaba de hoja, hacía un efecto abanico y le volaba un poquito el flequillo de Antonio. Era un flequillo normal, no estaba ni despeinado ni petrificado en gomina. De hecho, si hubiera tenido gomina, no se hubiera volado con un simple pasar de hoja. Pero lo importante acá, es que el mozo no lo vió. Cuando vino a tomar el pedido, lo atendió al señor. Pero a Antonio, nada. Se levantó entonces de su silla y se fue. Además de común e invisible, Antonio era medio boludo también, porque se fue sin decir nada, y se tuvo que poner a batir el café en su casa. Porque a él le gustaba que el café tuviera espumita. No mucha, normal. Y fue a partir de ese día, que dejó de ir a los bares y se empezó a dar cuenta de que la gente no lo veía.
Estuvo re bajón durante un par de meses. A veces se le levantaba un poco el ánimo cuando iba al cine. Como no lo veían, entraba sin pagar. Pero después dejó de ir porque a la noche tenía pesadillas. Soñaba que una gorda enorme se sentaba en su asiento, él le gritaba – soy invisible, soy invisible!-, pero la gorda no lo veía y se sentaba nomás. Era un garrón la vida Antonio.
Para ir al trabajo tenía que salir una hora antes. Porque no se van a creer que el pobre podía parar un colectivo, o un taxi. No, se tenía que ir caminando. – Seré común, invisible y boludo, pero al menos no gasto plata en irme a trabajar y además me mantengo en buen estado-, se decía en un absurdo intento de sentirse mejor. Pero era al pedo, su vida era una cagada y tenía que hacer algo. Se puso a estudiar, pero se quedó libre en todas las materias. Los profesores decían que no lo veían nunca en clase.
Las ideas se le empezaron a acabar. Y que pedazo de tristeza que le agarró al pobre Antonio! Como loco se puso a buscar gente que le pasara lo mismo. Googleó, googleó, y nada; hombre+común+invisible, y nada; común+invisible+boludo, nada. Pero lo importante acá, es que estaba muy triste porque era invisible.
Ni siquiera lo tentaban las picardías que le permitía su condición. Nunca un meterse al baño de minas, robarse las monedas de la fuente, meterle un ácido al café de tu jefe en una reunión, tirarse un pedo con ruido en la cola del súper. No, era muy boludo… y triste. Y todo eso le pegó mal.
Empezó a faltar al trabajo, aunque nadie se dio cuenta, claro. Dejó de pagar las cuentas, sobre todo la del teléfono que era la más cara. Porque no van a creer que el pobre Antonio visitaba a su familia. Les dije que era invisible, y los invisibles no andan por ahí visitando gente, porque eso asusta. El último asado de domingo al que había ido, los hijos de Octavia, la prima segunda de Antonio, estuvieron llorando 2 horas cuando vieron que el vaso de vino se levantaba solo. Entonces, le dijeron que no daba para que vaya más los domingos. Pero lo importante acá, es que él no acostumbraba a visitar, él hablaba por teléfono porque si no, la gente se asustaba.
Pero con el tiempo dejó de hablar, de pagar las cuentas, de bañarse, de vivir en su casa, de cortarse los pelos, de comer sano y de estar sobrio. Créanme que si la vida de Antonio antes era una cagada, ahora estaba bastante más baqueteada. Dormía bajo unos cartones en la puerta de los bancos, ahí en la 25 de Mayo. Un auténtico linyera, que al parecer, ahora era visible. Aunque mucha pelota no le daban, de hecho, yo no lo ví nunca. Lo que me lleva a pensar que el Sr. Antonio Balantino Glaciares nunca existió. De todas maneras, dicen que en una de las últimas llamadas que le hizo a su mamá, le dijo:
“Vieja, está todo bien, ahora ya soy visible, todo bien. No puedo ir más al cine porque ahora me para un cana en la puerta del shopping y no me deja entrar. Pero todo bien. No puedo volver porque si me hago común de nuevo todo mal. Mandame plata para el escabio. Un beso y saludos a los nenes de Octavia”.
Pero más allá de que sea o no verdad, lo importante acá, es que Antonio ahora era visible.



Actualización: No se ponga triste por el pobre Antonio, la idea de la historia es que se ría.

81 semillas:

portenita dijo...

A veces me pregunto si los linyeras son invisibles a la costumbre. Detesto estar acostumbrada a ver gente durmiendo en la calle. Pero los reconozco. Hay quienes pasan de largo sin siquiera mirar, como si fueran parte del decorado. Esa gente encabeza la lista de mis odiados anónimos.

Al menos Antonio encontró la visibilidad en ello. Brindo por él... hic!

La Tia dijo...

Será q las cosas pasan desapercibidas hasta q se terminan arruinando? será q vamos por la vida mirando pero sin ver? o será q el brillo de algunos no lo ven todos?
Confío en que nadie puede ser TAN común...
El nombre de Antonio ya no sale en la guía...una pena...

No se olvide de su tarea. beso

L! dijo...

mmmm... esto es.. triste, hay muchas personas que son asi, y seguramente alguna vez cada uno de nosotros se sintio asi, esta en nosotros en poder cambiar eso y volvernos visibles! sin llegar al extremo del pobre antonio

le mando beso y cuidese mucho! yo mientras tanto donde haya alcohol... CORRO!!!

jeje..

besos de colores!

Flacote dijo...

Que locura como la mediocridad afecta en la vida nuestra de cada día.
Me hace acordar cuando, hace ya muchos años, se cambiaron de división (a Naturales) y conocieron un mundo nuevo de gente. "¿Esta mina es nueva o vino siempre a este cole?".
Digamos NO a la mediocridad.
Un abrazo, chelín.

bachi.tux dijo...

Adoraría por un día ser invisible, pero sufrir como sufrió éste hombre, NAA!!!

Purzen dijo...

Pasa que este don era Boludo, como bien lo dijo el autor... si yo fuera invisible explotaría mucho más mi condición. Como dice Bachi tux, mataría por ser un día invisible.
Hace unos años pasaban en el film zone (canal de mí adolescencia) una porno soft de un chabón invisible je, era tan bizarro todo. Pero bueno, me colgué mal... el tema es que yo pagaría por ser invisible...
Estos post están buenos Chelo

Chelo dijo...

Porteñita, salud, salud! $ħ↑#$&

Tia, yo creo que antonio no tenía ningun brillo, de hecho, no brillaba ni por su ausencia.
La que sale en la guía es su prima, Octavia.

L!, pero no es triste, se supone que esto debía ser gracioso. Lo tomaron mucho para el lado del "mensaje", pero debía ser algo gracioso.
Yo no corro, porque ando mal de estado, pero la sigo.

Flacote, posta, me acuerdo de eso.
Pero debo reconocer que soy mediocre en varias cosas.
Un abrazo flaco.

Bachi, un día no me alcanzaría para hacer todo lo que se me ocurre si fuera invisible. Deberían ser unos 4 o 5.

Purzen, te juro que la ví, la porno del invisible, la ví. Malísima, pero a esa edad todo ayuda.
A ver si larga de una vez con ese blog de estadísticas loco!

Flor! dijo...

mmm...ni en pedo me vuelvo a mi casa a batir cafe, se lo robo al señor del diario!
y me encantaria poder asustar a mis molestos primos y primos segundos haciendo levitar objetos! eu! ser invisible por unos pares de dias seria bueno de verdad, ojala que cuando me toque no sea justo una de esas semanas en las que verdaderamente estoy hecha una boluda, sino seria antonio por un dia, y mis viejos no creo que me costerian el escabio para que pueda ser visible de nuevo! :/
me vole...

beso!

L! dijo...

HAYY!!! GRACIAS POR SEGUIRME!!! siempre una gran amigo!! Saludoss limado!!!

Veronica dijo...

Hola...volvi...y pasare mas luego a leer tu blog con tiempo por que siempre me gusta leer que escribis..

todo tranquilo?

Chelo dijo...

Flor, escuchame bien, si cuando te toca estás hecha una boluda, avisame que me hago invisible yo. No es cuestión de andar desperdiciando oportunidades.

L!, saludos zoquete (esa palabra me la pegó usted, gracias)

Vero, pase cuando quiera. Todo bien tranquilo.

La Tia dijo...

Prpongo que el dueño del blog cree una etiqueta que se llame "humor", o bien que se dedique a otra cosa! jajaja, con todo respeto, pero avisaaa q es una joda! casi se me pianta un lagrimooon! pobreciiito Antonio!

Chelo dijo...

Tía, ahora está aclarado al pié. Pero qué bárbaro ahora hay que andar aclarando

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Muchas Gracias Sobrino, se agradecerá tenga la misma cortesia con las próximas historias de este tipo...pa que no nos andemos poniendo mal sus lectores nomás.
Ha sido usted muy amable.

Besos, y se viene haciendo el gil con la tarea me parece. no me tome por zoquete. jua!

L! dijo...

ZOQUETE!! APARECEE JEJE.. SALUUUUDOOOSSS!!!!

bola dijo...

Que pasa chelo?? se te acabaron las ideas q ya no posteas?? jeje salu2

andre* dijo...

el estanque!
a veces somos tan invisibles!
por ahi pienso q las personas cdo no las veo no existen.
se nos va el pelado!!!lo perdemos!
saludos

atte

L! dijo...

MORISTE!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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